I admit it – I am a Control Freak. It’s natural for me. I’m the oldest child, ahem, the “responsible one”, the daughter that went to college, got a degree, got married and is raising a crew of fabulous kids. I’m the manager at work, and I take care of my clients and my team with equal care, making sure that my clients ply me with repeat work and that the guys who work for me are learning what they need to know to be professional engineers and that they are progressing in their careers. I’m the one who volunteers, takes charge and makes everything better for everyone else in my universe. I work very, very hard to keep my world running smoothly.
I also get so very, very frustrated when things don’t go my way. You know, they way that I planned. The steps that I meticulously wrote down in my planner and programmed into the Pre with deadlines, task lists and notes. The results that I expected on paper.
It’s so easy to control my environment and the people around me, so why can’t I control Oliva, my Inner Brat? The one who whispers in my ear “You’re never going to look good even if you do reach goal” or “Why bother? Nobody is going to notice if you lose weight/exercise”, or even “Go ahead! One bite won’t hurt!” Miss Olivia needs a muzzle.
I have about 25 more pounds to get to my ultimate goal. According to my WW starting point, I’ve lost 13 pounds since January 2010. It’s a lie. I REALLY started at 222 pounds in September of 2006 when I was diagnosed with diabetes. I was too embarrassed at that time to admit my weight to anyone. I don’t even think my husband knows how out of control I was and how much I weighed back then. I certainly wasn’t going to post it online for the rest of the world to see my failure!
So there. I’ve lost 52 pounds so far. Definitely the results that I expected, on (blog) paper.
Take that, Miss Olivia.
(image of “Fancy Nancy” aka, Miss Olivia, My Inner Brat, from Harper Collins Children’s Books, by Jane O’Connor, Illustrated by Robin Preiss Glasser)