::faithful – prayers of thanksgiving and joy for Jenny – Happy Birthday!; praying for Jane as she continues with her recovery from back surgery, embracing physical therapy; for my kids as they head back to school, for focus, enthusiasm and [of course] learning; for myself and Mr. Pea, for courage as we forge through this Chemo Valley.

::news from the cancer battlefield – Since I’m sure you’re all bouncing with anticipation to know what’s going on, I’ll just jump right in.  We met with my oncologist Dr. Cloven last Friday to finalize “The Plan”.  After much prayer and research, Mr. Pea and I had pretty much decided to go ahead with adjuvant chemotherapy to be as sure as possible that there aren’t any more cancer cells lurking and waiting to attack.  Dr. Cloven’s commentary closed the deal.  She said, “If it were me, and knowing what I know as an oncologist, I would do the chemo now.  It’s easier to kill a few cells than it is to kill a tumor.”  Yep. Exactly.  That’s the grim reality of ULMS – if it comes back, its fatal; just a matter of how long you choose to fight against the inevitable.

So All-Righty Then. I get a port installed some time this week, and the first chemical cocktail infusion is scheduled for the afternoon of January 16.

::creative – Does halfway tidying the house count?  Tossing out umpteen-year-old eyeshadow?  How about dusting?

::pondering –  Being bald.  Really.  Here it is the coldest winter in Texas in forever, and in a few weeks I won’t have any hair to keep my head warm.  Why am I so focused on the bald part?  Injecting my body with chemical poisons doesn’t phase me, nor does the thought of feeling tired and nauseous for months on end. But bald?  I can’t stop thinking about it, and what it will feel like and look like. As with most things, I bet the reality will be a thousand times less awful than the anticipation. Besides, there’s a wig and dozens of beautiful scarves just waiting to be put to use. 

::delicious –

• Potato Soup, Parker House Rolls
• Leftovers
• Pizza Night for the kids; Mr. Pea and I will be at a swanky retirement party.
• Tamales, Black Beans and Spanish Rice
• Chicken Soup with Veggies
• Baked Pork Chops, Stuffing, Roasted Brussels Sprouts
• Beef Burgundy, Smashed Potatoes, Broccoli

::fun – DirtBike and I were mountain bike trailbulding on Saturday. That red squiggly line on the map is what we were working on.  DirtBike cut down several trees; I helped clear brush off the trail and visited with my friends.

That’s me holding not one, but TWO pulaskis.  Oh yeah.  I’m a two-fisted privet mangler.

::fashionable –  Brown dress pants, orchid purple sweater shell, marled navy, brown, orange and purple cardigan, brown boots.

::looking ahead –  Gearing up mentally and physically for the huge task of traveling through this valley.  I can rejoice, though, because I don’t have to hike alone.

  Keep the Faith.

::faithful – praying for my kids, especially my youngest son; for my and Mr. Pea’s discernment on the ‘next step’; for my friend Angela’s Mom.  

::news from the cancer battlefield – Week Three is amazing.  I can now walk at regular speed, touch my toes and I even climbed four flights of stairs on Saturday evening.  Whoot!!  I’m getting more restful sleep, and I’m back at work.

I had my follow-up visit with my oncologist last Thursday, and we reviewed the nitty-gritty details of the pathology report.  (The earlier information that lymph nodes were clear was delivered by phone.)  All in all, it was good, as good as one can get with a ULMS diagnosis – Stage 1A. The only troubling marker was the density of the cancer cells.  When samples are studied for pathology, technicians count the number of cancer cells in a 10x field area under the microscope.  Normally, (Ha!  as if cancer can be called ‘normal’) classification is based upon 5 cells per 10x; 5-10 cells per 10x; more than 10 per 10x; or too many to count.  My count was 25 cancer cells with ‘multiple and bizarre nuclei’.  Now we are tasked with deciding on a follow-up plan.  I have two choices:  monitor like crazy and pray that it doesn’t come back; or embrace a round of chemotherapy, monitor like crazy and pray that it doesn’t come back.  There aren’t any clear-cut studies to show that chemotherapy significantly decreases the risk of recurrence.  Why?   Because most women with ULMS don’t discover it until it has progressed to Stage II or higher, and they die…there isn’t a big pool of survivors to study.  (BTW, as I am now a statistical anomaly, I will put myself in the registry of survivors for tracking and further clinical studies.  I have nothing to lose by helping the doctors and scientists figure out a way to kill this beast!)

Mr. Pea and I are studying all the information we can find, praying and asking a million questions. The one important question I FORGOT to ask Dr. Cloven after she explained the alternatives is what she would recommend.  Can you believe I forgot that?  I’ll call her this week to ask.  We will meet with Dr. Cloven again on January 2 to make a final decision.  My inclination is to hedge my bets for long-term survival and rock a wig for several months until my hair grows back.

::creative – More Christmas Surprises!! Knitting, knitting, knitting.  It’s soothing.

::pondering – Parenting.  It’s sometimes very, very hard.  And time goes by so fast.

::delicious – Easy does it again this week.

• Hamburgers, Broccoli Salad
• Grilled Chicken, Mixed Veggies
• Macaroni and Cheese, Spinach Salad
• Chicken Spaghetti and some sort of Veggie
• Tacos, Black Beans
• Out for Dinner – Italian!!
• Something I will Figure Out Later in the Week

::fun – Mr. Pea and I visited Sundance Square Saturday Night.  The Fort Worth Jazz Orchestra had a free concert – Duke Ellington’s renditions of “The Nutcracker”.  It was so wonderful to sit outside in the crisp air, see the Christmas lights, enjoy the music and watch all the little kids visiting with Santa.

::fashionable – I have on HIGH HEELS today!! Oh Joy! I’ve missed my sassy shoes the past three weeks.  Black pencil skirt, cardigan and a cheery, Christmas-y green shell. And a jangly, sparkly crystal bracelet.   I’m getting my hair cut this week.  I’ve let it grow out considerably over the past year and it’s well past my shoulder blades now.  I’m going to get it cut much shorter, so that when it gets REALLY short (ha!) in a few months, it won’t be such a shock to everyone.

::looking ahead – Wrapping presents, mailing cards (maybe), The German Club Christmas Party on Saturday.  A house full of 50+ teenagers, bonfire and lots of good German food.  Don’t worry – it won’t be a stress on me.  Teachers and students bring all the food, set up and clean up.  All we provide is the house and firewood.  We’ve been hosting this shindig for years and it is always so much fun!! 

Linking up at Plain Grace– come join us!

  Keep the Faith.

Time for Prayers of Thanksgiving and HAPPY DANCING!!  My pathology came back clear…no invasion into the lymphatic system.  ULMS is an ugly, vicious cancer, my friends…my statistical survival rate just jumped from slightly more than 0% to way more than 80% which is NORMAL for a woman of my age!  (Oh yeah.  Those statistics include death from getting hit by a bus or eaten by a bear.)

I will live to be a Grandma!!!